The Zombie Epidemic

The Zombie Epedemic

It’s true that zombies are probably now a great American tradition. You can never not make them eat human flesh and you can never get rid of that itch to make a book, movie, etc. about them.

Sure, you might sit on your couch, eat popcorn, and say that you could totally beat the sluggish (or dumb zombies from World War Z that aren’t supposed to run but I’ll get to that later), moaning zombies. But, the truth is, if you are sitting on your couch and eating popcorn, then I guess you won’t be noticing the zombie in your backyard.

This post isn’t about survival, it’s about what’s wrong with it:

  1. High blood pressure. (Courtesy of Angry Nerd A.K.A Chris Baker)
    Thank you Angry Nerd. But it’s true, someone dead should have incredibly low blood pressure but they don’t. A shot to the head sends brain juice flying everywhere.
  2. Shotguns.
    Yes, it is very true that people think shotguns are useful in the zombie virus. If we’re talking Solanum here, then Max Brooks says it’s true. But what about any other zombie? If they can hear, then they can totally hear the shotgun noise when you pull the trigger.
  3. The zombies from World War Z The Movie don’t run.
    If in Max Brook’s World War Z The Book is based off the Zombie Survival Guide (or vice versa) then the zombies in the movie shouldn’t be able to run which they do a lot in the movie.
  4. The main character always does something important.
    Why are the main characters always someone who does something important for the apocalypse. Why don’t we see someone that’s not special at all. Sure, in the end they won’t be safe (unless they get on a helicopter and they find out that someone found the cure for the virus), but at least we see how someone survives and they don’t do anything for the apocalypse. Except for cutting off a couple of zombie heads.
  5. The black guy dies first.
    Everyone knows it.

Now, I need to think about how zombie apocalypse movies are bad. But I can’t think about anything else.


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