Happy New Year’s

Happy New Year’s

Has anyone ever been alone on New Year’s? Well, if you have I honestly can’t give you sympathy. After all, I have six brothers and sisters.

But that’s not what this is about. The fact is, how many adults go out and drink on New Year’s. And that’s only ONE of the problems.

  • Drinking on New Year’s
    Some people actually walk at night, dips***s. They may be coming home from where they celebrated with family over apple cider and cheese. AND YOU COULD RUN THEM OVER!!!!!!! And also, you know, get arrested by the new version of Robocop that sucks.
  • The big deal with the streamers and party hats.
    This could be due to the fact that some people, I don’t know, drink on New Year’s. But if you’re so drunk what do you care about a bright purple 2014 hat? It’s not like it’s going to give you sexy points because nobody’s sober enough to notice. Go figure.
  • The rich people.
    I. Don’t Get. It. You’re invited to this little shindig at my place. Yeah, you know me. The guy all celebrities know and despise because I think I’m so good-looking and rich. In other words, Donald Trump. But, still, why would you go to this of dudes you only know about because they’re in People. (Though I’m not saying that this will happen to you. Or me for that matter.)
  • I’m going to leave my kids here tonight. They can take care of themselves.
    Why would leave your kids alone in the house, giving them permission to stay up as long as they wanted. You never think to watch the NYC ball drop with them and then tuck them in. No, instead you go out and drink wine that was probably spiked.

Well, that’s it. Maybe. I’ll return next week with my weapon of mass destruction: celebrity rumors.

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